boys, boys, boys
So many boys (and some girls) have trying to get with me. And almost all of them have girlfriends. They grab my hands and rub my neck and then say “I don’t know what you were expecting, but I have a girlfriend.”
Was I expecting anything? Of course not. I know most of the girlfriends. They’re nice people. I’d rather stick by them than jump into bed with their partners.
But damn, these people make me feel attractive, and it’s hard to stay away.
One of them I did sleep with. Apparently he has this on-and-off girl, and he told me that beforehand. I didn’t expect that he even liked me enough to bring it up, and he said it as if he thought I was really into him. I told him I wasn’t, and at the time, that was true – but I won’t lie, now I have a crush pretty bad. He’s absolutely insane though, not in a creative way either – just self-destructive, misguided, lost, and somehow fucking brilliant. People like that are so toxic for me.
I’ve been working at the strip club more often, though I missed this week due to weather. I absolutely love it there, it gives me some healthy perspective about my body. I’ve been reading a lot lately about the erotic as power, and that’s just what I’m gaining from this – power. And some cash on the side. Everyone at school knows; I’m proud of my job.
As for the eating disorder – things have been very up and down, mostly starving, but recently I started eating around 1,000 calories a day, which was a lot for me. I did that for about a week and got into a routine, and anyone who knows me knows I hate breaking routine. So this week, I’ve been purging. It’s awful and my face is getting puffy, but until I can starve again, I’m going to have to deal with it.
Time to chat with my roommate. Bye bye bloggy.
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