you’re never, ever, ever, ever there
Long time, no see, blog.
News: I’m in a relationship. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this guy before, but I don’t know what I nicknamed him. So I’ll call him “Ironic Mustache,” since that’s what I called him last semester before I learned is name.
We’ve been head-over-heels in love with each other, but the honeymoon period is coming to an end and I’m doing a lot of the things I always do in relationships that I told myself I’d never do with him. I’m being a pushover… I need to stop or I’ll lose him fast. And he’s just amazing, so I can’t do that…
I just hate when girls flirt with him. Granted, he’s probably the most attractive person on this tiny, God-forsaken campus, but I think our relationship deserves from respect.
Lately he hasn’t been acting as head-over-heels. I really hate it. I’m just fixating and worrying on finding him cuddling with another girl just like he did with me when he was in a relationship with another girl…
And I’m talking about a difference that has occurred over a matter of days, not a gradual change. Perhaps he’s just stressed out and not feeling so affectionate, but I fucking hate feeling this way.
Anyway, I haven’t been eating. He hasn’t noticed. Normally, he would…
If I lose him I will probably die. I can’t lose him. This person is the best thing to ever happen to me. He was my best friend, now he is my boyfriend. It’s perfect. It’s the one stable thing I have left.
I can’t eat. I’m hungry, all I want to do is be around food, but I can’t eat any of it…
I won’t express to him in words how afraid I am. Not yet. I’ll let my body say what I’m having trouble verbalizing first. I shouldn’t have to do that, but the communication has not been in line in the past few days.
I can’t wait to get to work tonight. At the club, I’m fierce, I’m the center of attention. I’m too much to be ignored. I wish I could bring that confidence home with me every night.
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